How to Talk to Your Parents about a Medical Alert System

Surveys indicate that some older adults won't use medical alert devices if they aren't on board with the idea—even if there's an emergency.¹ That means you can't just buy a medical alert for mom or dad and expect their full cooperation—there's likely to be some resistance to needs to be smoothed out first.

You definitely aren't alone if you feel like you're gearing up for battle just to have this conversation. We've compiled some evidence-based strategies you can use to talk to your parents about medical alerts.

Most older adults start experiencing health troubles around the same time their grown children are parenting children of their own or are new empty nesters. This generational situation sometimes translates to adult children treating their aging parents like their kids.

It's usually more of a subconscious role reversal than an intentional one, but it's important to recognize when it may be happening and to try to be more of an advocate and a partner than a parent.

Before you approach your parent to propose a medical alarm, try to put yourself in their shoes. Imagine one of your children coming to you to suggest a medical alert system. You probably wouldn't want them to take on a parental role or treat you as if you needed constant monitoring. Your parent's response will depend a lot on the amount of respect you show them.

One reason your parent might be resistant to a medical alarm system is because they associate them with the lady in the old Life Alert commercial who had fallen and couldn't get up.

Understanding how far medical monitoring services have come and learning about the high-tech features included in today's alert devices—like GPS location, discreet waterproof pendants, medication reminders, and temperature and carbon monoxide sensors—might open up communication.

You can also talk about how medical alert systems can also be used in any type of emergency—not just medical ones. If someone's trying to break in, the medical alert button can be activated then too.

Start with these resources:

Researchers uncovered some common fears or misconceptions about medical alert systems when interviewing older adults.^1,2 Your parent might share some of these apprehensions:

• Embarrassment about pressing the button and "bothering" or "burdening" the professional monitors
• Fear of accidentally activating the alarm and bringing strangers to the home
• Fear of the alarm not working correctly, especially due to battery or range problems
• Fear that a medical alert service will reduce check-ins from family and friends
• Embarrassment of admitting that they're losing self-reliance and self-sufficiency

However, the fears of using a medical alert device must be weighed against fears associated with not having a medical alert—like the fear of falling or having another medical emergency when home alone. 

Here are some strategies you can take to help your parents open up about their concerns:

• If your mom or dad is pretty social, ask what their friends are saying about medical alerts. Sometimes it's easier to talk about other people's opinions. 
• Directly ask your mom or dad about the scenarios above. "Do you think we won't call you as much if you get a medical alert?" 
• Take the grapevine approach: "I was talking to my co-worker the other day and she said her mom was nervous about accidentally setting off an alarm. But it turns out they're easy to cancel."

Stay in listening mode for as long as possible once your mom or dad opens up. Then you can share what you've researched to do some gentle myth-busting: "Here's what I know."

As you discuss, make note of the areas where you and your parent agree so you can build on those points later.

Studies suggest that family members do have the power to convince older adults to use medical alerts, but healthcare workers have the greatest influence of all.¹ If your loved one immediately shuts down your attempts to talk about medical alerts, they might open up if a healthcare worker suggests it instead.

If they don't mind you attending their doctor appointments, go with your parent to their next check-up and ask the doctor if a medical alert would benefit them. 

You might still hear some grumbling about the subject, but now your mom or dad can mull over the doctor's words and you can reference their opinion in future conversations. It could help to break the ice.

If time, discussions, and research are still leaving you at an impasse, ask your parent, "Can you help me find a good solution that neither of us has thought of yet but that will make us both happy?"

This approach essentially cancels out both of your positions on medical alert systems and opens a new chapter where you're working together toward a compromise.

Compromises might include keeping the medical alert system in the bathroom, or only wearing it when home alone.

Or, you might check out alternatives to a medical alert system.

• A security system with a panic button or pendant
• A cell phone or smartwatch with GPS and emergency assistance—like the iPhone or Apple Watch
• An app like Noonlight, that connects your parent to monitored help 24/7
• Safety wearables for specific concerns or needs
• A security camera with two-way talk and mobile alerts
• A smart hub like Amazon Echo that can call for help using voice commands
• A smart caregiving solution like Alexa Together

Just remember that there are a lot of points on the spectrum between medical alert system and no medical alert system.

Contributing writer: Kasey Tross

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• 10 Ways to Upgrade Your Home for an Older Family Member
• How to Help Aging Parents Drive Longer
• Room by Room Guide to Senior Home Safety

1. Randi Stokke, Journal of Medical Internet Research, "The Personal Emergency Response System as a Technology Innovation in Primary Health Care Services: An Integrative Review," July 2016. Accessed July 25, 2022.
2. Alexandra C. McKenna et al., BMC Geriatrics, "Purchasing and Using Personal Emergency Response Systems (PERS): How Decisions Are Made by Community-Dwelling Seniors in Canada," July 2015. Accessed July 25, 2022.